Individuality

To successfully connect with someone challenged by the effect of dementia or disease, we need to recognize their individuality. For those living in a care home or hospital, this can become challenging for all the things that make us unique become less prominent. While many facilities encourage decorating a room or a display cupboard outside of the room to showcase items of meaning to the one residing in their care, all are expected to eat at a specific time, get up and go to sleep at consistent times, & wear clothes that are tolerant of mass laundering. When we are healthy and living freely, our choices and patterns, the car we drive, the style of our clothing and hair, the way we vacation, garden or engage in our communities- can set us apart from others. 

Every connection we make in life is unique.  With some, it happens quickly and easily – we have similar interests, values, experiences or goals. It may be more challenging to connect with those less like us.

Look at the person for the things that made them the unique.  Were they a community activist, did they love to read, ski, sew, cook, bake or were they an avid fan of a favorite sports team? Did they like to watch old movies, did they love antiques, or are they musical? The skillset may have changed a little, but the interest may be adaptable.

In my work, I often heard stories of what a person used to do, followed by the statement that they “can’t do it anymore”. Abilities change so we must adapt. Maybe Mom can’t bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies on her own anymore, however, she may cream the sugar into the butter, or drop dough by teaspoonfuls full or perhaps just butter knife slice the pre-prepared cookie dough sold at the grocery store onto the cookie sheet – whatever the steps, the result is the same... There is an opportunity to share a cup of coffee or tea with a warm cookie and some time with someone important to us.  

Remember and recognize the person you value and cherish their uniqueness in your next visit.